Courtesy of my aunt mary

I love this advent message by James d. Digiacomo/America magazine:



"In the weeks before Cristmas, our society will experience an extraordinary, temporary transformation. People of all faiths and no faith will be reaching out to eachother, renewing friendships, bonding with family, sharing many blessings and trying to help the poor and suffering around the world. It is not all as good as it could be and there will be personal calls to get beyond frantic shopping and put Christ back in Christmas. Despite all our human imperfections, many good things will happen that we can be a part of. We have to be perceptive and alert. God will try to come to each of us in many ways during these next few weeks. He may remind us of someone who used to be a friend until a quarrel or falling out took place a few months or years ago. Would this be the time to forgive or let go of the hurt? Are there Christmas cards or gifts to send to friends or acquaintances that really need our support?

Is there a relative that lives in a nursing home I should visit? Excess clothing to give away? These are not all earthshaking inspirations, but they are the stuff of goodness that comes through God's gentle nudging of our hearts and minds. If we are watchful and alert to God's grace, we can help to celebrate the coming of Christ into our world not just as something wonderful that happened a long time ago, but as something that continues on into our future. Jesus the Messiah and Emmanuel, God with us, now and forever! "

claire gave me the idea . . .

Best way to cheer up on a bummy day (besides running into a tall british boy who you only just met but smiles when he sees you like you're his long lost best friend . . . thanks Dan!)

1. Do you like chinese food? i love chinese food. we should get married and have babies.

2. How big is your bed? a queen at home home, a full in seattle and a twin here in spain. i'm quite spread out at the moment.

3. Is your room clean? not even close

4. Laptop or Desktop computer? both. spoiled middle class, i know.

5. Favorite comedian? the blue collar crew, mitch hedberg

6. Do you smoke? no, i'll shotgun hookah every now and then.

7. Does anyone like you? yes

9. Sleep with or without clothes on? when i had heating i slept in little or nothing. here:pj pants with sweatpants on top. a long sleeve shirt and my hoodie with the hood up. no joke.

11. Who sleeps with you every night? mr froogie and soon eric.

12. Do long distance relationships work? yes, they're hard, but yeah, it works out

13. How many times have you been pulled over by the police? never

14. Pancakes or French Toast? i haven't had either in forever. french toast i think.

15. Do you like coffee? can't function without it.

16. How do you like your eggs? scrambled with a ton of shit in with them.

17. Do you believe in astrology? its fun to think about

18. Last person you talked to on the phone? talia, probably. all day every day.

19. Last person on your missed call list? eric

20. What was the last text message you received? the location of a party from newz.

21. McDonalds or Burger King? neither, but mcdonalds.

22. Number of pillows? one for between my knees and then the froog-meister

23. Last thing you ate? um. cold shepards pie, not nearly as appetizing as it absolutely does not sound.

24. Last thing you bought? coffee. . .10 seconds ago

25. What are you hearing right now? bob dylan

26. Pick a lyric? i dont like your baggy jeans but imma like whats underneath 'em.

27. What kind of jelly do you like on your PB & J sandwich? the kind with fruit and seeds in it.

28. Can you play pool? nope, but i'm a great entertainment for my friends

29. Do you know how to swim? no. i lifeguard, but i've never actually been in the water. thats not like. . . a job requirement or anything, is it?

30. Favorite ice cream? coffee

31. Do you like maps? yeah, i like really old ones and the ones eric makes.

32. Tell me a random fact: the tip of your elbow is called your weenis and its the only place on your body that can't be sexually harrassed

34. Ever attend a theme party? i've attended a dozen, at least. they're quite popular here in spain.

35. Ever do a keg stand? once. i was dropped. thanks boyfriend.

36. Craziest place you've slept after a night of drinking? i want to sleep in a hammock!!! um. a car, with 7 other people.

37. What is your favorite season? summer or fall.

39. Pick a movie quote: i have a million flight of the conchord quotes in my head. none of them from a movie. um. okay movie go:
“They say they're going to repeal Prohibition. What will you do then?”
“I think I'll have a drink.”

41. What is your favorite hangout? Bhopal followed by Nahu followed by my apartment in bellingham which no está aquí

44. Last time you laughed at something stupid? a guy farted really loud as he passed us in the street. yes, i am four.

45. What time did you wake up this morning? 11:15am

46. Wake up next to anyone? FROOG

47. Best thing about winter? this winter - SEEING ERIC. but actually, thanksgiving (and don't give me that it's the fall bitches. because, hello, i am freeeezing. might as well be february.)

48. Name a couple of favorite colors: green, any color or a really good blue.

49. How old are you? 21 going on 35

50. What month is your birthday in? June.

51. Do you think pirates are cool or overrated? cool.

52. Favorite Dave Matthews Band song (if you have one?) i don't have one.

53. What are you doing this weekend? going to prague with tails

Cádiz . . .

is bitching cold.

I'm leaving for Prague tomorrow (what the fuck, i know.) It's breaking the bank but you're only young and in europe once. I'm excited.

Eric comes in t-minus 2 weeks!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I'm trying not to count the days . . .

Estoy confusada. . .

I want all of you to come here. I want you to bring with you : spicy salsa and good mexican food, good beer and egyptian rat screw, good fashion and cheap stores (como old navy). Bring with you tolerance and intelligence and a strong US Dollar. Bring mountains and lakes and clean sidewalks. Bring trained dogs and bigger homes and central heating. Bring carpet. Bring anything you might miss but come.

I miss you, but I don't want to leave.

New Zealand seems fun . . .

Let's hope this writing thing works out.

I am not disciplined enough for school.

Cena

I cooked dinner last night and it was fantastic.

Also, it was eye opening.

I can't wait to go home. I have a life I miss and I want to live it again.

Sometimes, I think, learning spanish isn't worth all this . . .

advice (question mark)

i am finito with unsolicited advice.

it's my life.

please and thank you.

Yo estoy contenta.

We won.

Spain so far . . .

The internet thing is tough, but oh well.

I have been traveling a lot and keeping a personal journal so that I won't forget my fantastic stories. One of these days I will post my adventures here for you to read.

Mini-update.

A lot of people are frustrated with their experience in Cádiz and I am tempted to be too, but, I'm fighting the urge and so far enjoying my time. It's really tough to speak Spanish here. The Gaditano accent is extremely intense and difficult to decipher and in general Gaditano's (who don't speak english) are quick to dismiss a foreign speaker. I also get really nervous speaking because the other people in my program have so much more confidence than me. Still, I think I'm learning.

Last night I went out to this bar Bhopal with my friend Talia. We were the only two people in the bar all night and we spoke Spanish with the bartender's for four hours. Andrea is an Italian-Stallion with a goofy laugh and Tim is a smooth-talking frenchman. They both speak nearly fluent Spanish and it was fun chatting with them. I got a little frustrated because I have a hard time with genders and my friend kept calling me on it. I just have to remind myself that practice makes perfect.

Also. American's have a horrible Spanish accent and we are called on it each and every day.

no internet

POBRECITA = me.

I don't have internet and it's killing me to be so out of touch but when I start at the Uni in a week I'll have internet for a few hours everyday and I will be more on top of my intouch - ness.

Everything is great here, i'm having a little trouble making friends but that's to be expected (I don't dance or get blitzed every night).

Katie is a good resource, i love having her here, but i definitely need to get over my quiet-ness. I went out one night and inevitably led a guy on (i'm not sure how) i think the booze made him see things that weren't happening.

Also, I was an "American Bitch" to some irish-men. They were way to touchy feely and kept saying "luck of the irish" and trying to get in everybody's pants, up everybody's skirt. I was not impressed.


Anyways. Ciao Bellos, I miss you.

Spain

I will write a comprehensive post with pictures . . . soon.

I only have a few minutes right now.

Already, I'm feeling like I'm missing out on things back home. It's not depressing . . . yet . . . but still. People are hooking up, breaking up and I'm not there - it's all coming to me second hand.

C'est la vie.

Miss you all!

Volvo Factory, Gothenburg, Sweden

I'm typing from a computer inside the Volvo Factory in Gothenburg. It's huge . . . we're about to take a tour - I wouldn't be surprised if we get lost.

Gothenburg is amazing. Driving in from the airport it looks just like the road to Bellingham, a twisting road cut from bedrock. The city pops up behind an ancient, wooden, amusement park. It is a mix of old 15th century architecture and modern ikea-esque buildings. Our hotel was of the latter sort but comfortable. Our first night it rained! It reminds me very much of Seattle, the trees, the weather, even the dour-it's-august-and-50degrees-out expression on everyone's face.

We're leaving tonight on a ferry which will cross the Baltic Sea and take us into Kiel. I haven't heard much English lately, though everyone speaks it when prompted. It's a little refreshing to have your language be in the minority but also a little disconcerting. They aren't kidding around here in Sweden, none of the street signs even resemble english.

I will post pictures soon.

gone, baby, gone

I leave in t-minus 6 hours.

I have skype. I have e-mail. I have this. I won't drift away into nothingness, I promise.

russia fighting in georgia

The following is a real conversation that actually took place ten minutes ago with . . . My Boss(ish).

Elise "Hanley, what's this about Russia invading a major city in Georgia?"

Me "Well . . . there at war. Where were you this weekend?"

Elise "Watching the olympics."

Me "They announced it during the Olympics."

Elise "WHAT? I heard NOTHING about this. Well, I slept through some of it. . . so what is Bush doing?"

Me "Staying out of it, I think."

Elise "What city did they invade?"

Me "I'm not sure."

Elise "Savannah or Atlanta?"

Me "Um." (Laughter).

Elise "Well?"

Me "Elise, Russia didn't invade our Georgia."

Elise "They didn't?"

Me "Um. No. Russia is not currently at war with the United States."

Elise "Right, just Georgia."

Me "The country Georgia."

Elise "Right."

Me "Which is not a southern US state."

Elise "It isn't?"

Me "Are you serious?"

Elise "Yeah . . ."

Me "States are not countries. . ."

Elise "Right . . . OH. So there's a country named Georgia and a state named Georgia?"

Me "Yes."

Elise "So Russia's at war with . . ."

Me "The country."

Elise "Oh."



Yes, she does have a master's in Organizational Psychology. . .

I feel a little bit like Christopher Robin speaking to Pooh about Heffalumps and Woozles.

frustration

I think being frustrated is the worst emotion for me, there is something so bottled about it . . . I can feel it like a stone in the pit of my stomach, it's horrible.

I got in the weirdest argument with my dad this morning.

We were looking at a magazing about Quebec and I said "This picture is really cool." And he said, "Oh, is that Ottawa?" And I kind of laughed and said "Dad, come one, Ottawa isn't in Quebec. Canadian's hate Quebec, their capital is NOT in Quebec." Etc, Etc.

So he says, I kid you not, "A million dollars it's in Quebec."

So in the air I draw Quebec (the province) and say Ottawa is right here across the river on the bottom (which it is) but then I screwed up I said that the province next to Quebec was Alberta when I meant Ontario. But the gist of it, that Ottawa was right next to Quebec name of the province be damned.

Well my Dad refused to be wrong. He says "Well I was a hell of a lot closer than you, you were off by a thousand miles."

"No, I said it was right next to Quebec I just switched the name of provinces."

"You might have said in that little head of yours that they were right . . ."

Basically he pretended that he was right even though the whole conversation . . . I know it's petty but I'm still so freaking upset about it. I don't even know why. I think because, since only the two of us were there, his reality was reality. There was no one to dispute, no referee.

That's what my life needs.

A plutonic referee.

Basically. I fucking know my Canadian geography, okay? Okay.



I could do without the writing, but the picture is pretty poignant.




It's true. I will. Forever.

winning at solitaire

I just won (finally) at Spider solitaire . . . on medium.

It's weird how the simplest things can make your life.

<3

adolph of castro

Yes I do realize that my street is very anti-humanitarian and I am well aware that most mail going to this address will be stripped searched in customs but c'est la vie.

:)

exciting news

We're just a few weeks away from this becoming the travel blog I've always wanted it to be.

On August 19th I am leaving Seattle behind for 5 and a half months during which time I will visit the following countries:

Sweden, Denmark, Belgium, France, Morroco, Gibraltar, Switzerland, Italy, Germany and maybe even Portugal.

For 4 and a half of those months I will be living in Cádiz, Spain.


But this isn't news, you say? And I counter . . .

The news is - I finally have my address!!!!!

Adolfo de Castro nº 6, bajo C
11003 Cádiz
GoogleEarth that shizz, yo.

This is what my neighborhood looks like.







I'm so excited I could spit.

Ps. Who invented that saying?

In Bruges

I saw In Bruges again last night. It's still fantastic and wonderful and politically incorrect and hilarious.

Please, please, please go see it if you haven't yet. Or borrow it from me, I totally own it.

I've been shopping for Europe which is kind of annoying because I'm super worried about money but also I really want some cute things to wear in Europe (who doesn't?)

Southworth on coming out . . .

Southworth says, “This has been a long time coming. I’m in a place where I’m at peace with my faith, friends, family and more importantly myself. I know this will end my career in Christian television, but I must now live my life openly and honestly with everyone. This is my reason for doing this.”

The Remix is seen in more than 128 million homes worldwide. The show is in syndication and averages more than 200,000 viewers weekly.

Southworth has risen to fame in the Christian world and has been featured in different national publications, such as Charisma Magazine and many other religious media outlets.

Southworth adds, “I know I will be cut off from many within the Christian community, and if so, then they didn’t get the point of the life of Christ. I believe by me living my life honestly and authentically now, I am able to be a better person and a better Christian. We all know there are so many other gay people in the Christian industry; they’re just all scared. I was scared, but now I’m no longer afraid."

(Reproduced without permission)

Anyways, I think Southworth has some freaking amazing things to say.

Go cultural christianity, you can do it.

Song of the Day

Um, yes. Ed Harcourt is NPR's choice for song of the day.

Click here for a chance to listen to his song You Only Call Me When You're Drunk.



Consider it an early form of promotion.

false cheeriness

I tried that thing today . . . you know the one . . . where you force a smile until you actually feel like smiling. Supposedly it works, today it did not.

But. Rather than dwell on the negative (of which I could go on and on and on) I've decided to create a list of postitives. Eventually the smile will come (or so I'm told).

1. I saw ED HARCOURT in concert.

All of your days will be blessed
So put on a smile and get dressed
Into the void we will fly away from here
All of your thoughts will be crowned
You'll be the toast of the town
Into the view of a million crystal spheres

Pretty cool, right? Check. Him. Out.
I first heard him when he opened for Sondre Lerche.


2. This is the next 5 months of my life. . .

I'm going here


Barcelona

and here


Bruges

and here


Sweden

and I'm Living here

Cadiz

So, the list might be short but it packs a punch.

So. My Europe extravaganza is close . . .

. . . and the head of my company just caught me blogging on company time. Oops.

Well, then, of course you're excused

I screwed up at work and no matter how much I apologize or how many times I take responsibility the "higher-ups" insist on exloring AML (a competitor) conspiracy theories and computer glitch end-of-the-world scenarios.

My immediate boss says I've done all I can . . . just let it go. But the e-mails are hovering at the top of my box, haunting me, my fingers itching to reply.

I like having responsibility but it sucks when what you do affects cities all over alaska in a slow, painful, inevitable ripple.

(BTW: evitable, is, in fact a word.
evitable adj
avoidable, avertible, avertable
capable of being avoided or warded off )


I know. Doesn't seem that secure, does it?

On a side note.

Humans can be pretty cool
The bus I catch everyday (which only comes once every 30-40 minutes) will always pass you by unless you're standing right at the curb, which, would be fine if the curb was at all a safe place to stand. I always sit in the shady grass and watch for the bus and hope I notice it in time to run out and wave it down (this strategy has never worked, but, I refuse to compete with semi's for sidewalk space.) However, the last couple of weeks other people have been at my stop - different people. And they always, after they wave the bus down, turn to me and say "Miss, the bus is here." They don't know me and they're always different - kind of a cool camaradery.

things I recommend

movies


Wanted Fantastic roller-coaster ride. And McAvoy is drop-dead-tongue-out-gorgeous. Also, Angelina is a badass which is always fun.


Mystic River If you liked Gone Baby Gone, you'll love this. Also, Sean Penn might be bat-shit nuts but he's got talent, and he's handsome. And, who doesn't love Kevin Bacon.


books


Gone Baby Gone Mystic River A Drink Before the War . . . actually just read anything by Dennis Lehane. His books make for perfect, edge of your seat, summer reading. If you (saw and) liked the movies you'll love his books.


music


Wanted Soundtrack Need motivation to work out? I've found it and all for under 15 dollars. Seriously. You want to feel bad ass, put on some bad ass music.


Paul Simon's Surprise An oldie but a goodie. Definitely not work out material, but good lazy-drive-after-a-day-at-the-beach music.


Jason Mraz He has new music, but not a new sound. Still love him, though, and his quirky, adorable, amazingness.

(PS I am well aware I need new adjectives, perhaps I'll invent a few.)


places

Seattle: Of course I'm repping my hometown this summer. Screw small-town Bellingham and big-city New York. Seattle is what Goldilocks has been looking for all along (and yes, we do have good porridge, thank you.)


Vanouver, BC, CA Just go. Spend an entire weekend there. Tour Granville, (There's a farmer's market and a brewery so. . .you know. . . get drunk and buy fruit,) visit the harbor, walk the bridge. Also, see a concert, Canadian's always have beer gardens, they're smart that way.


happy hours
These are all in Seattle.


Red Lion $5 Margarita's and free tacos with a patio high above the city. Fantastic.


McCormick and Schmick's BlackBean Nachos to die for, mini-hamburgers and tasty, tasty, tasty drinks. See: Whisky and Pomegranate martini (no I'm not kidding, and yes it was a little bit of heaven.)

people


Dennis Lehane He got rich writing. Bow down.


Bill Gates He retired from his billion dollar industry in order to focus on his charities. Um, amazing? I think so.


Leona Helmsley She just donated 8 BILLION dollars to dog charities (not kidding, not even a little bit) I'm awed and disgusted and whatever . . . she's fantastically malprioritized (I just invented that word and I'm proud of it).


news stories

Leona Helmsley

Norman Bates

Yes, we did just trick you.


websites/blogs


smittenkitchen


designsponge

Book of the Week

The Things They Carried
Tim O'Brien

No skeptics in foxholes :
A collection of related stories about Vietnam

This book took my breath away. It makes you hate war but also it is . . . it's human and it is grotesque and gorgeous in its humanity. O'Brien warns us, “If at the end of a war story you feel uplifted, or if you feel that some small bit of rectitude has been salvaged from the larger waste, then you have been made the victim of a very old and terrible lie.”
I warn: the only way this book uplifts you is in the way the sentences flow together, meeting at odd moments by chance.
This book is not true and it is. At the same exact moment.
It is not my story, but I could tell it and you would believe me.

These are not stories about courage, about brotherhood and love and flowers growing from ashes. These are stories about boys, and ash, and gun fire and they are beautiful.

i haven't done a book review yet?

BOW or Book of the Week

The Professor and The Madman
A Tale of Murder, Insanity and the Making of the Oxford English Dictionary



Simon Winchester's historical account of how the Oxford English Dictionary was made is complete with humor, sympathy and drama. The OED was decades in the making and required the help of thousands of English-reading citizens including Dr. W.C. Minor a certified criminal lunatic housed in an asylum outside of London who contributed over 10,000 words to the dictionary.

Sold yet?

The book is also replete with cool words (such as replete) sure to satisfy even the least curious among us.

I recommend the newest edition which contains a 16-page explanation of the research he did, fascinating.

I'm fast-tracking this page turner to my top-ten quick read list.

What spins from writer's block

One thing I do when I'm too bored to even pretend to be inspired is I pretend to be a boy and I write they way a boy might, what his thoughts might be.

i was watching the water today, watched it come close, close enough to touch almost or if i wanted to. watched it slide away, away like everything else in this crazy, mad, spinning world. away like the girlfriend i have back in silver springs, new mexico, sitting on her porch, glass of lemonade, hand outstretched, always expecting me. when's a good time to say "never coming back". away like my dear, sweet mother, up north, rhode island where the lobster is best, waiting, waiting, for her only son to pull up in his rumbling car. can't ever say "never coming back," because don't we all go home at least once before we die? away like the fathers and grandfathers i no longer know, easy to say "never coming back" we aren't destined for the same afterlife, they are much better men than i, and here I am on the ocean, breathing salty air, and thinking of all the people i never treated right. what kinds of thoughts are these to be having, beautiful day, beautiful water, and nothing but sadness everywhere. in a minute i have to get up, have to return to the apartment i love, the only thing i've ever loved, i have to put a wall between me and this ever sifting sand, this ever shifting water. always building walls it seems.
there was a girl at the bar last night. she smiled the way i suspect all girls do, when they know that someone somewhere loves them. that "i like you but i like him too" secretive smile, where you feel let in, but really you are further from your goal then you'll ever really know. she talked about old streets in poland, and cell phones and a song on guitar and i found the juxtaposition enthralling or abrasive, can't remember now. annie. she wants a new name, wants one that screams originality, and i found that disturbingly cliché. I have her number, burning a whole in my back pocket, can't bring myself to throw it away.
i am a packrat of acquaintances it seems.

and

a few blocks from where i work is an apartment where i used to spend the free time i don't have anymore. it's an old one and if you take a tour of the city the guide will say it's haunted. i'm not sure it's true, spent enough drunk nights there to feel safe. safe enough. always safe enough.

the bottom of a tequila bottle has never seemed so promising as it does now. full of secrets i'll only know after one. more. shot. one. more. shot.

i've given you everything i've got.

i still love you more than anyone else could.

--end--

even I admit that I tend towards melodrama when I have nothing else to say. but a lot of something is better than nothing.


(t-minus 20 minutes and work will be over. inspiration waits at home or so I tell my self)

((have you ever noticed that sometimes dressing up (even if you only end up sitting on your couch) is the best way out of a dazy lazy afternoon rut?))

Work is boring. . . i mean really boring

I have been here since 8am.
I have done 20 minutes of work (maybe).
I am being paid 14.5 dollars an hour.

But I do get some cool e-mails.

First e-mail for your consideration.

From: Names removed
Sent: Tuesday, June 17, 2008 5:33 PM
To: Documentation Seattle; Receiving-Seattle
Subject: Booking number removed


Please receive this under the correct booking. Eagle Global no longer exists as a company and has changed to CEVA. Please correct so it gets billed correctly and we get paid.


Thanks
Names removed
Anchorage/Fairbanks Sales

The Reply

Does Johnathan at Eagle Global know that Eagle Global no longer exisits? He is the one that requested the booking. Just curious.

Thanks,
Names removed

The Reply

They got bought out by CEVA about 6 to 8 months ago. You would hope he would have caught on by now.




--end transmission--


I'm not kidding. This is how your shit gets from the continental US to our satellite states.


Recent E-mail

Receiving,
Please see notes in Booking.

***WILL HAVE ORGAN IN A CRATE THAT MAY NEED A FORKLIFT TO LOAD***

--end transmission--

I mean. . . it's not like we work at a warehouse. . .forklifts are. . . you know, uncommon.

I might be the only one to enjoy these. But. There you go.

reasons to smile

Work is boring today so I have a little time to find somethings to make you, good readers, smile.

Top Ten Reasons to Smile as Much as you Can

All the Good News that's Fit to Print This website continually make me grin and at times helps restore my faith in humanity.


Basically, I want a dog.


Also. I have recommendations (movies this time)

Gone Baby, Gone : Casey Affleck is starting to live up to the name his brother created for them with Good Will Hunting. This film, a gritty look at what happens to a cop after years on the job, is heart wrenching, heart warming, and thought provoking. I dare you to watch it and not discuss it after . . . I bet you can't.

We Own the Night : I am slightly obsessed with the honor attached to the uniform, any uniform. This particular film is about the NYPD Street Teams that stared down drug pushers in the notoriously awful 80s. My parents tell stories about finding crack pipes outside their office door, murders every night. Besides being an awesomely intense film, Joaquin Phoenix and Mark Wahlberg throw every ounce of their talent into their performances.

No Country For Old Men : If you haven't seen it, see it. I love the Coen brothers, so, you know.

In Bruges : Quite possibly the best movie Colin Farrell's ever made, and I love Colin Farrell. It's funny, quick, and has just enough action to keep them boys entertained. Also, it's not even close to politically correct. (My dad and I are forcing my mom to stay in Bruges for two days specifically because we loved this movie so much.)

Cassandra's Dream : If In Bruges hadn't taken the best Colin movie ever award, this one would. Ewan McGregor and Colin Farrell play off eachother like they were born to do so. A look at just what we'll do for family, and for money, this film mixes humor, brutality and familial loyalty into a moral tale about how we cope with the worst in ourselves. Not to mention I can't resist a good "brother" film.


Happy Monday!

it's not father's day anymore but. . .

"I'm gonna watch you shine
Gonna watch you grow
Gonna paint a sign
So you'll always know
As long as one and one is two
There could never be a father
Who loved his daughter more than I love you"
-- Paul Simon

Everyday something reminds me how lucky I am to have the dad I do and to have with him the relationship I do. He is, without mincing words, my best friend. He challenges and frustrates me but most importantly he is unfailingly there for me.

Happy Father's Day Day!!
This made me smile.

We don't smile just for the sake of smiling nearly enough.

problematic perceptions

On the bus today I saw a young guy digging in the trash, and what I thought was: how sad, he's homeless and how gross, what is he looking for? Then he pulled his hand out and he was holding three plastic bottles which he proceeded to drop in a near by recycle bin. Basically, I had my eyes opened and my assumptions handed back to me. Pretty cool.

Later, I saw a guy eye this girls much younger than him, he smiled and watched them pass. I could only think that he was a pedophile of some sort, but then I realized as they boarded the bus that he was getting on the same bus and simply allowing them to climb aboard first. Again, assumptions.




Also. Please keep my cousin Macauley and her husband Jayson and their son Xavier in your prayers.

turning 21 and the amalfi coast

Finally 21.
There's no where I can't go now.
Except Cuba.
I really want to go to Cuba.


I said good bye to Eric today. It was horrible.

This, however, cheered me right the fuck up. I want to live here. Forever.




And the best part? The Library. I am such a nerd.

for my birthday

i would like this: Please?

Busy Blog Day

I'm not sure how many people read this, it seems that strangers drop in now and again.

It doesn't seem quite right to be asking for this, there are many people out there who deserve your prayers but right now I'm asking that you say a prayer for my unborn cousin. I don't have the details, but I do know that my aunt is asking for a miracle, which I've never heard her do.

My cousin Macaulay is this beautiful, strong woman who I don't know nearly well enough. She and her husband Jayson are expecting their second child who they just found out is severely ill, though not yet born.

This is the e-mail I received today.

Dear friends and family..I'd like to ask a special favor of you which is
to especially pray that Macaulay and Jason's new baby might be miraculously
healed. I think I understand that everything has to be in cooperation with
God's will. However, I think it is perfectly within our faith understanding
that we can certainly not be hesitant to ask for miracles through prayer as
well. It's sometimes confusing to me exactly how to pray and how that
prayer is directed. Recently, I have basically been talking to God and
asking for this intention through his son, Jesus and with the Blessed
Mother's and St. Joseph's intercession.

Will you please help pray for this new life and for Macaulay and Jason's
strength and peace too? We keep all of you in our prayers as well. Thank
you and God bless you. Smithy and Mary


So, if you have even a moment to spare, please send up a little prayer.

Thanks, H

All Faiths . . . Beautiful

If only we all lived in MD.

Seattle to Metlakatla

I'm up two hours earlier than I need to be but I still slept 3 hours longer than I normally would on a Monday. (Basically it's a good day).

In exactly one week I will be back at
which you know is . . . well it's money is what it is, and also it's a real job, but it's kind of suffocating too. I guess I'll look at it as a reminder: Hanley, this is not what you want to do with your life. This is why you're going to college.

Also, it makes me wonder. This job pays beaucoup dollars an hour with no experience necessary . . . and they always have openings, why are there still people working at McDonalds?

i am a coward.

no use hiding from that fact.

still this is pretty funny

washington state lottery

rant

So, we're supposed to be this progressive, human-rights minded, environmentally friendly state. . . right?

The Washington State Lottery's "motto" is: "Who's world could you change?"

But instead of showing a winner converting their house to solar energy . . . or donating to a soup kitchen. . . instead they show a bunch of idiots para-gliding with birds.

Chickens. Ostriches. Penguins.

"Every bird should get to fly."

Really? Really?.

I'm so sick of every ad-exec and TV producer thinking I'm an idiot, treating us all like we have not even a modicum of intelligence.

It's just that, when we're talking about lives we could change . . . I think penguins are pretty happy with their lot in life. The people of Sierra Leon however. . .

serious news

I am way too fucking complacent.

I was blog stalking today and read that one of my friends, well, their friend was attacked for being gay.

I think that I've actually convinced myself that gays have it okay now. (I mean they just got California, right?) And then I realize . . . Jesus. . . they're fighting for marriage one state at a time. There's a part of me that thinks, hey marriage shouldn't be a federal responsibility, it should be a state-by-state thing. The problem with that, however, is that marriage is a federal responsibility currently.

I'm lazy. I'm not going to lie. I'm going to do absolutely nothing about the current state of affairs. And in six months I'll look back and feel guilty.

Politics are complicated. (Which is why I'm not a poli-sci major.) I think what I should do this summer, is read up on every issue I can. I mean, I'm not completely head-in-the sand blind to world affairs (I read my New York Times, I check NPR whenever I can) but I don't do the research. Yes, I think I'll read up and for once and for all I'm going to form an opinion. I keep making decisions from my gut (I want everyone happy, healthy and free) but I don't understand the logistics.

I read a book last quarter, Six Billion Plus: World Population in the 21st Century (which i recommend to everyone) and it really opened my eyes to how much I don't know. Which is a tough thing to face when you're young and full of enthusiasm and absolutely convinced you're and right and righteous.

fun news
I chatted with the cutest boy yesterday. His name is Brandon and he was in the language lab with me. He's in my major and he lived in Argentina for a year. I froze when he started speaking Spanish (I understood, but as far as returning the conversation . . . oops).

C'est la vie.

C'est comme ça parce que c'est comme ça.

Not going to lie, this apartment thing is kind of stressing me out.

how t.v. changed my life - or not.

brothers and sisters is good therapy i think.

i cry almost every episode . . . but since i almost never cry when i actually should . . . it's just good to know there's at least one sure fire way to let some of those frustrations out.


so. you know, screw anyone who thinks that t.v. is all evil.

everything has the potential to be good for you.

pups, profs and armed students

this dog thinks he's the shit and i totally agree.


quote of the day

prof: (in spanish) your grades were really bad. don't freak out.
class: sure sure.
prof: no, they were really bad. now listen. people freak out when they see this grade.
class: uh-huh
prof: what i'm trying to say is -- if you're armed you have to leave.



anyways. he wasn't kidding. i got a d-.

and then he tells us the grade doesn't count.

prof's are weird.


update
Prof: "so half of you weren't here today, tell your friends NOT to bring a gun. i'm serious. there's no exit on my side of the classroom and i will NOT end up on the evening news. and also, if you're thinking you want me dead, i'm not a hero. i will hide behind you. you will die first."

he's so fired. but it was fun while it lasted.


also postsecret is a site i don't promote nearly enough.

allergies

to add to the list of things hanley must never take due to sever allergy:

sulfa
tramadol

see also:
lactose (which is sad, because cheese is like my favorite thing ever.)

Chondromalacia of the patella, or patellofemoral pain

Basically, my knee hurts.

A lot.

Boo.

running, running away

It's really hard to anticipate this summer when so many negative things are associated with it.

When I leave Bellingham I'll be saying goodbye to Eric for 6 months.
I'll be saying goodbye to Ali for nearly two years.
I'll be leaving my apartment in the hands of a stranger.

That's three really huge things that make me hugely sad.

This makes me happy though

Face Paint - More free videos are here

Drunk off margarita's and singing along to dashboard confessional, yo.

Dear pro-lifers proselytizing in red square,

My away message on Facebook says this: Hanley is thinking "it's my choice to love god, to believe in him, it should therefore be my choice to be pro-choice. in other words: take your bloody signs down."




The point is: you chose to be pro-life, did you not? You're 20something and whatever and you have a mind and you woke up one morning and you thought 'hey, i don't want to have an abortion' and that's great the thing is. The thing is you had a choice and the thing you don't seem to understand is where I stand it's called pro-choice. As in please, go right ahead and be pro-life. My position allows for your position. Whereas your position--

Listen.

I don't think abortion is a form of birth control. I don't. I'm not saying, hey, fuck condoms, the doc'll just flush your mistake. No. I'm not saying that at all.

But also.

Ok. So here's the thing. Your argument holds not water. You believe that the fetus is a life from the moment of conception -- which, hey, bully for you. But I (for argument's sake) don't believe this -- and it's my body. So my body has something in it which is essentially a cancer (to be base, and gross i guess?) as in cancer is an abnormal growth of cells. So my body has this thing, right? And i don't believe it's a life, so who are you to say I can't have an abortion?

And that's a really good fucking question.

Because here's the thing. The medical community -- they can't decide when the fetus becomes a life. There is no consensus. The rule out there right now is it's my property until three months . . . so . . . that's first. So what it comes down to is beliefs. And your beliefs and my beliefs and jane doe's beliefs they're all a little different.

Actually what it comes down to is I live in a democratic society at the root of which is freedom to choose.

Basically, I'm asking you to take the signs down. To stop picketing the medical offices. To stop acting like you are God and just start believing in Him and in His power to change the hearts of those you disagree with. I'm all for social justice, I'm all for you telling me how you feel, (hey I'm pro-choice) not anti-life) what I'm not all for is you blocking the main entrance to my campus with a billboard of NC17 pictures, I'm not okay with you terrorizing the women outside planned parenthood, and i'm not fucking okay with you preaching your pre-Vatican II nonsense like it's what the church is preaching today.

You aren't the be-all end-all source on Catholicism, no one is, so stop acting like it.



(and heck yes proselytizing is a word)

¿ocho de mayo?

Margarita's and 5-layer bean dip + The Office = amazing.

P.S. my coffee is extremely tasty and I think I'm going to skip class (first time this quarter) just for the hell of it.

oh survey, how you waste my time

I'm tired​ of:
working at 5 a.m.

I am liste​ning to:
the new pornographers

Maybe​ I shoul​d :
finish my tesol reading. write something. think about dinner.

I wish:​
diet coke wasn't so tasty.

Choco​late is:
really really good in really really small amounts

I have lost my respe​ct for:
ooh. juicy. people who expose themselves.

The meani​ng of my displ​ay name is:
oh! oh! i know this one. it means once upon a time hanley couldn't think of anything more original than using the lyrics to a simon and garfunkle song.

Right​ now I'm cravi​ng:​
hm. honestly. i want lost as a series to be over so i can veg for several days and watch it all in one go. i don't do suspense. or, i do. but in small doses -- i mean, come on.

Somed​ay:​
i will have a receptionist and i will buy her coffee everyday.

I will alway​s remem​ber:​
the time i almost caught captain jack sparrow. seriously, i probably will. also. the first time kat read our screenplay.

Love is:
vague.

Tomor​row:​
i have a tutor session with my chinese girls.

I get annoy​ed:​
super super easil​y and i absolutely don't hide it.


Is your hair wet?
nope


Is your cell phone​ right​ by you?
i never answer it but i always know where it is.


Do you miss someo​ne?​
c'est la vie.


Are you weari​ng chap stick​?​
do you wear chap stick? i'm aware that you apply it . . . anyways, no, i have not applied it recently.


Are you tired​?​
sort of. but it's getting close to bedtime.


Are you weari​ng pajam​as?​
yep.



Are you mad?
not even a little bit. but i am annoyed.


Are you upset​?​
nope.


Last phone​ call?​
my daddy.


Last time you cried​?​
i got really frustrated with eric and cried it out and then i called him and i realized it was all a misunderstanding. but that was a couple of weeks ago.

Last hug?
eric..​


Ever dated​ someo​ne twice​?​
nope


Been cheat​ed on?:
nope


Been over-​seas?​
yes!!!


Lost someo​ne close​?​
my cousin when i was younger. my grandfather just recently. actually. i don't like this question. :(​



Three​ favor​ite color​s:​
turquoise



Have you made a new frien​d this month​?​
yes!


Falle​n out of love this month​?​
i fell out of love with csi: las vegas.


Laugh​ed until​ you almos​t cried​ this month​?​
yes.



Met someo​ne who chang​ed your life this month​?​
hm. my life hasn't changed in the last month, but, that doesn't mean the people i met this month won't lead to life changing -- this question just got really philosophical/metaphysical and strange...



Found​ out who your true frien​ds and best frien​ds were?​
i hate this question. oh. there i go throwing the hate word around. basically, one of my pet peeves is when people say "i found out who my true friends were because so and so. . ." we're not in third grade anymore. i'm thinking these thoughts at particular someone because i swear if that particular person says "so and so is my best friend because she'd never lie to. and so and so is a true friend . . . " all the while implying i've done something to you . . . i will punch the wall. and then i will block your phone calls.

hm. it feels good to rant. refreshing.


Is there​ somet​hing you want to tell someo​ne?​

yes. i kind of said it above. but here goes:

I will call you Doe.

Doe, you are a self-pitying, self-destructive mess. I miss who you were and I wish you would come back. I also would like to mention that friendship is a two-way street, meaning, ask me a question about me the next time we talk and if you're cell phone rings before I'm done answering -- silence it, give me the same respect you give the audience at a movie theatre.




I just screamed into a pillow and it felt good.

edification: moral improvement or guidance (2)

ed·i·fi·ca·tion –noun
1. an act of edifying.
2. the state of being edified; uplifted.
3. moral improvement or guidance.

I am offering these artists up for your edification. So that you may be edified, up lifted and morally improved.

--Some/Most of the following are new artists to me so I'm recommending specific songs rather than entire collections--

Wilco - Heavy Metal Drummer
"A double kick drum by the river in the summer
She fell in love with the drummer
Another then another
She fell in love"
So his kid is adorable. FYI.


Apostle of Hustle - Cheap Like Sebastien
"The smallest truth is the brightest
A tiny undeniable fire
The smallest truth is found hiding
You’re scared but you’re not a liar"
The singer cracks me up. I want to dance with him. And, he acts while he sings. And (double and) he kind of looks like David Spade.


Greg Summerlin - Unlucky In Love
It is important to listen to the whole album. It's a story, you see.
If you like what you hear you can read the story here. Scroll to the bottom for a song by song explanation. It's quite beautiful, I think. An original.


The New Pornographers - Sing Me Spanish Techno
"The hourglass spills its sand
if only to punish you
for listenin' too long
to one song"
pretty much my new anthem


The 88 - Coming Home
This song is commercial city (Target and Sears from what I can remember) but also it's good. So whatever.


Marjorie Fair - Waves
"The person that I thought I was
Is something that I don't think is coming true"
It's a pretty video for a pretty song.


Wheat - I met a girl
"And you've got permission to see other men while you sleep
And we wage perpetual war for perpetual peace"
i think he's cute and his lyrics are fantastic.


Check these kids out too (if you have the time)
Pedestrian Rock
David Mead

oh, dcfc and sondre, how you woo me

Not only is this my favorite Sondre song but I think the girl he sings with is totally adorable.

The movie's cute and the ENTIRE soundtrack is Sondre Lerche.

He is such a dork. I heart him.


New Death Cab for Cutie song from their new album Narrow Stairs. (The intro is 4:40 minutes long, I like it) It's a little different from their older stuff. You can groove to it, it's fun. It makes me want a glass of wine and a tall coffee at the same time.

We're talking about passions, yeah, we're talking about emotions

El corazón del apuro está con nuestro alfabeto absurdo, no sabe deletrear y no puede ser enseñado. - Mark Twain

I like that quote. It has nothing with the rest of this blog, but, still. . .


"We paint the world with love and hate. . ." -Ceesau

It's stuck in my head in a loop, that line, though I've been listening to Paul Simon for the greater part of the week (tossed some Steve Miller and Led Zeppelin in for good measure, not to mention I listened to Sondre Lerche's new stuff which is fantastic. (A second side note, has anyone listened to DCFC's new cd? Is it any good?)) I am a parentheses fanatic. Back to the line.

I think it's true, but I wonder why. We're, or maybe I should avoid the collective 'we' but what the fuck ever, right? We are, I think, very scared of shades of gray. You either loved the movie, or hated it. Love this candidate, hate that one. We are loathe to find a middle ground. Maybe this is why it's so hard for relationships (friendship, acquaintanceship (ha), love, etc.) to last.

For example, just this week I was having Eric read a script I'm working on and he said "well I wouldn't watch it, but it's good." And I was furious. Well, of course you'll watch it, I wrote it. His response "well I hate that kind of show." Which only pissed me off more. Why does he have to 'hate' it? What happened to weighing pros and cons?

I am so rambling.

Oops.

I am not innocent, however. Later we were watching a basketball game and I couldn't stop myself from saying "oh I hate the Suns" which is ridiculous, I'm not passionate about basketball and hate is passion, is it not.

Of course this painting of the world happens on a larger scale. We hate leaders, and entire countries and populations (well okay, we, is used very generally in that, groups of people hate other groups of people etc etc.)

I'm not suggesting neutrality. Because, how boring but perhaps a little. . .

My parents love Scrubs and Dr. Cox had a really good quote the other day about hate losing meaning and him having to come up with a new word. . .

We're taking the passion out of passionate emotions. . . i think. . .is what i'm trying to say.

sondre lerche

did the entire soundtrack for dan in real life?

pretty sweet, yo.

cádiz

i'm going to live here







for five months.

fantastic.

and nerve wracking.

but mostly fantastic.

the things you will learn.

I think i'm going to do it. As much as I hate the idea of staying in Bellingham for six weeks of my summer. . . if I do it i will graduate with:

A BA in Spanish language and Literature
A Minor in French
An endorsement in the following: Teaching English as a Second Language, Teaching Spanish and Bilingual Education.

That's three endorsements that will allow me to teach anywhere in the world.


pretty cool.

well worth the six weeks (i think).

will you wait . . ?

um. . .

the office is fan-freaking-amazing.

omg omg omg omg omg omg omg omg.

how am i supposed to wait an entire week???????

The Punkins and thoughts of thievery.

I just worked out super-hardcore for the first time in a few weeks. I ignored every lazy part of my being and just pushed and for awhile there I hated myself, but now I feel so good. Bone-tired, but at least I earned this type of exhaustion.

--it's freezing in this computer lab--

I was watching these youtube videos a friend of mine put together for RISD which are good. They are very. . . alternative, very emo. . . good but also, I'm sure through a quick search, I'd be able to find a similar product elsewhere. But. All that aside, for one of the videos she used the song Thirty-Three by The Smashing Pumpkins (aka the punkins) which is my all-time favorite song by them. I barely remember the video but the song is sticking with me. . . it's interesting how that happens. It's a very melancholy song (hence it being on Mellon Collie). . . it's putting a weird spin on my day.

It's nice out. I've been prepared for all my classes. I worked out. I wrote something. I should feel ecstatic and yet this song is nagging at me. . . and yet I'm not upset about it, it's a nice nag. . . hmm.

On another note, this computer is padlocked to the desk. For no reason at all I now feel like a thief.

jimpammichaeldwighttobyryanstanleymeridithangelaandyphyllis (not necessarily in that order)

the office is back.

life is funny again.

amen.

Ceesau (prounounced see-saw)

I haven't done a "music edification" blog in forever, almost a year i think. Someday I will compile my lists again, mostly because I think word of mouth is the best way for good things to spread. But for now.

Ceesau.

Please check them out.

Not only are they amazingly talented (at least, i think they are) but they are socially conscious (almost all the proceeds from their cdbaby and clothing sales go to several charities that they support).

The lead singer/ main writer hails from Staten Island, not far from my own roots in Manhattan. He, like me, grew up in a world entirely different from the one I live in now.

"Growing up in mixed class neighborhood, prejudice was minimal. There was a great integration of
Nationalities."

The school I went to as a kid was 70% hispanic, 12% white, 18% everything else. I never knew racism, there was no room for it in the midst of such diversity.

"I was always fascinated by the world outside making immediate judgements and the narrow way in which
they would form their opinions. We don't seem to give due time before concluding what it is we think
we see...
Art, Music...the Ocean...
But most importantly the People walking around us.
You realize just as we are different, we are the same.

Ceesau is the bridge between all things that truly never needed one!

A world in Balance. Staying away from extremes and being open to the differences."

I'm throwing quotes at you, and I'm not expressing myself very accurately either. What I'm trying to say is: this band has the potential to be a powerful tool against a lot of what is currently wrong with our world.

"Ceesau is about. . .it's something I started over 10, 15 years ago, about racial unity and equality. . . This one song, "Wrote the Longest Word," is about how everything is everything, everybody is everybody, everybody's the same in a sense, in a philosophical, ideological [way]. The sense of if we could all start back from zero and just be like, what makes us segregate and separate and get all screwed up. Just all these little bubbles that we come from and these things we're taught and we think are right, the way people should be or shouldn't be or what we should believe in. . . Like I said, 'The Longest Word' is about wishing that things were a little bit better, wishing we could rewind from the chaos and the ultra, ultra technologically modern world that we've become, fast-paced, and we're all running too fast. I'm trying to pull back from being so affected by all of those things."

Anyways.

I'm rambling I know, but i found these guys on CDBaby.com (which, by the way, is a fantastic way to find random artists) and now i can't stop talking about them. It's so much fun to find artists by accident, and then to have them touch you both on an artistic level as a listener but also on a soul-like level as a charitable person interested in bettering the world anyway i can. . . so check it out. That's my plug.

And go.

(Incidentally the lead singer is an actor on CSI:NY as well as a painter and a writer; your regular renaissance man).
(all quotes are attributed to Carmine Giovinazzo from various sources)

Career-dom

I'm stressed out and I feel very thin, stretched to four corners of what I want to do with my time.

I want to teach in a bilingual school. Maybe the John Stanford school in seattle or Le Petite Ecole in New York (though I hear it's very snotty), or maybe in Spain (though where Eric fits in there I'm not sure.)

I want to write a book, maybe a collection of short stories or a novel. I could do it, I have the talent (part of being a writer, I've learned, is being just cocky enough (or to quote JT 'is it really cocky if you know that it's true?)). I have the talent, then, but do I have the passion. Sometimes, I get so frustrated, because the line between being good and being published is very wide and tall.

I want to see my screenplay on TV. It's a good screenplay, a great one maybe, complete with twists and turns and a gay main character (who I quote already, though he isn't an icon. . . yet. I think, right now, I want this most of all. I want it so that I can almost taste it, and Kat is right there with me, rooting me on, feeding me ideas, correcting my grammar.

I want to be married and have kids, ahora, and yet, I don't want this at all. I want to live, live, live, without a single thing holding me back from travelling, saving money, spending money, earning money. But then, in the back of my head, my mother's voice is echoing "don't let a good guy go" and Eric is a good guy; he is this above all else.

I want all of these things, but they don't seem to coincide or mesh at all. It's four different lives I want, and yet only one me. I feel like Robert Frost's traveller.



As for teaching though, this much I know I can accomplish. Already, every day, I get six to ten e-mails of job offers from Spain, Mexcio, all the souther border states and Canada too. At least, while I'm still choosing the least travelled path, I know there is job security.

it's hanley, not henry, thank you very much

so i'm sitting here in the library near a window on Western's campus and I have my population notes in front of me and my biology textbook open on the computer screen and to my right are my spanish notes and to my left is a french paper i haven't finished editing (though it's due in 40 minutes) and i can't help but think holy shit i'm have way too much going on.

but it is all good, i've decided, because by noon-30 tomorrow I will be done with this quarter and that much closer to MEXICO

I can't wait for someone to ask ¿habla español?, to which i will reply with a resounding "sí, señor, lo hablo".

I highly recommend being bilingual (or even trilingual). It makes you the most interesting drunk at the party.

<3 h